Today I’m 40! As the clock struck midnight last night my husband watched nervously to see if I would have a nervous breakdown. The clock turnt to 12. Spoiler alert: I did not have a nervous breakdown. Instead, I waited for the famous software upgrade download, Gwyneth Paltrow promises you get at 40. Then I realized, it’s been in progress, over the past few months, I have changed quite a bit internally. There are DEFINITELY things I know at 40 that I did not know or understand when I was younger and I would like to share them with you.
Aging thoughts
I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t been afraid to grow older. I have been dreading getting old since I was 12 years old to be exact. It was at the Paris airport in 1992 with my sister and besties. We were on a weekend away from our ballet workshop in Ghent and we were surrounded by beautiful ads, mostly Chanel. It occurred to me that these people on my favorite brand had no wrinkles, like me. One of the few advantages of being 12. These images were young. So how could I stay young?
My friends and sister (kinda, she thought I was crazy) and I devised a plan. We simply would not wrinkle our foreheads. It seemed like we could certainly control that for crying out loud. We would minimize our expressions and slap each other on the forehead if we moved it or wrinkled it. I wish I was kidding. I’m not. Well, it worked, for I currently have severe mobility limitation on my forehead. Last weekend a dermatologist at a party I was at thought I was lying about not ever having Botox. I can’t easily move my forehead. I can but my muscles there are weak.
How I feel now
So there you have it. My anti-aging secret & also my deep dark secret, all in one. So this deep rooted reluctance of getting older has been there for a long time! However, last night it had disappeared and I had a different thought all together. I thought: if my 12 year old self, that crazy girl at the Paris airport, had a glimpse of her life 28 years later….she would weep of happiness, wrinkles or no wrinkles. Today I’m just grateful and happy to share what I know at 40. Because what I know at 40 is that life is pretty short, and it is worth cutting out the the things that don’t matter and focusing on what does.
What I know for sure at 40
- Eating meals with people you love is the ultimate happiness.
- Dogs can save your soul while on this Earth. Thank you Baby Jane.
- Don’t accept Facebook invites from people that despised you in high school. Trust me, you’re not gonna like me any better now.
- Say yes more often. Go to the party, the gathering, don’t stay on the couch.
- Be ruthless about cutting out toxic people.
- What someone says about you says much more about their character than yours.
- The most beautiful people are people that are beautiful inside. Ever notice how after a few months of knowing someone, their beauty outside is irrelevant? You start to just see their spirit.
- Give freely and without remembering what you gave and expecting something in return. It comes back to you 1000% with interest.
- Be prepared to do or take part of everything that you judge or criticize. So don’t be judgey. 🙂
- Flirt with your romantic partner. I recently witnessed someone be enthralled with my husband, and it reminded me to be equally enthralled as well.
- My boys are the best thing that ever happened to me.
- Rethink “never talking to someone ever again!” , especially if they are family. Think of what would happen if there were a tragedy, would you have regrets? Reach out. Mend the relationship.
- There are too many people on this planet for one to be unhappy with one of those people. Pick someone that loves you and makes you happy.
- Call your parents as often as possible. You won’t always have them, they know you best and you owe them one (trust me).
- Family over Business. Time over Money. Experiences over Things.
- Having kids is like having a second childhood. Use that time wisely.
- Move to a neighborhood that embraces you and knows your kids’ and mother’s names. The proverbial village is the most important thing.
- Try to get as many stories out of the older people in your life before they are not here. There is so much to be learned.
- Your health and your loved one’s health is the most important thing. I only remember this when I’m sick!
- Pray. If you’re one of those people that “doesn’t believe in God”, rethink it. Find something to believe in. You’ll need it, especially if you’re a mother.
- Don’t be afraid to be the first to do something. Especially apologize.
- Don’t care what people think. As Don Draper said “I don’t think about you at all. ” 🙂
- It’s never too late to be what you may have been! If you’re still here, there’s still time to do whatever it is that you dreamt of. (Unless it’s going on pointe, I don’t recommend that.)
- Don’t wait until there’s a tragedy to get perspective on what’s truly important.
- Instead of stressing or complaining about a situation, be action oriented.
- Time wasted is worse than money wasted. Money comes and goes.
- Demand what you need in a relationship. Want to get married, have kids, a white picket fence? Ask for it. Don’t be passive if it something you really want, you will only regret that you weren’t more assertive later.
- There are no shortcuts. You have to put the work in. If you try to pull a fast one, it will catch up to you.
- Working out most days will bring you unforeseen happiness and maximize the relationship with yourself. After you work out the biggest problems in your life, will dissolve.
- Don’t compare your beginning with someone else’s highlight reel.
- There will always be someone smarter, nicer, kinder, skinnier, funnier than you. No need to compete.
- Do what you love and be prepared to work harder than you ever thought possible to accomplish it.
- Red lipstick is a serious psychological drug. Find the shade that’s right for you.
- Don’t say you don’t have time. Say you don’t want to make time because it’s not important to you, instead.
- Not every one is going to like you. The only thing that matters is if you like you.
- Learn how to say yes and also no! Don’t feel guilty.
- What you loved as a child is a huge insight as to who you are. If you ever feel lost, use it as a compass.
- Knowing when to quit is as important as knowing when not to quit.
- Don’t waste time obsessing over weight. Read more here.
- Wrinkles are not that bad. 🙂
In Conclusion…
You will learn a lot about yourself, others, and what really matters as you grow up and become your own person. However, I hope these lessons of what I know at 40 helps you be more aware now in the present! Lots of love, XO, Z
