My first minutes with Matteo will forever be etched in my mind. Instead of wanting to ferociously eat (like his younger brother), he wanted to gaze into my eyes. It was as if he knew that he was the first child and that I had no idea what I was doing. He was comforting me. He had these large, wise eyes that made me feel calm and understood.
Since that day, I’ve had many days where motherhood has brought me to my knees, literally and figuratively. It constantly shows me the special bond of the first child and humbling love lessons as we stumble through many, many firsts. In honor of the month of LOVE and of Matteo’s birth, these are my top 5 LOVE LESSONS:
- Fun– Matteo loves Starbucks as much as I do. I hadn’t made much of it until a friend pointed out that she had never met a kid that loves Starbucks so much. One day it hit me! He loves going because I love getting my coffee. When I get there I’m tired and cranky but after my Americano order, I’m a new mommy to him! I’m a happy and vibrant…..he’s reacting to my mood. Mommy, are you having fun? This is one of his favorite questions and a gesture of love through his eyes. When we love someone, we want them to have “fun”. This lesson is also important in romantic love. At the end of the day, are you having fun?!
- Selflessness (Patience)– My husband and I used to be literally THE most impatient people in the world. Ha! The first child teaches you that some days you’re gonna put on their shoes, all layers, gloves, tiny socks, hat, stick him in the car seat and then he’s gonna have a blowout so huge it will ruin not only his outfit, but your outfit and and make you 30 minutes late. You’ll get home from work, starving, exhausted from probably little sleep and you will have to nurse him, diaper him, bathe him, comfort him, all before you even remember to take a sip of water. The amazing thing is, all those moments will be joyful (sometimes with tears mixed in) but deep down your heart is full because it’s not about you. And when it’s not about you, in love, you’re free.
- Unconditional Love– One of my favorite movies and one that depicts this perfectly is Malificent (Angelina Jolie version). When Sleeping Beauty does not wake up after the loser 😉 boyfriend prince kisses her, everyone is baffled because “true love” was supposed to wake her. Then her mother, Malificent, kisses her and there ya go….she’s awake! I believe that motherhood is the love that is truly unconditional. Is there anything our child could do where we wouldn’t love them? With our romantic partners we experience aspects of unconditional love but most of us have expectations and things we wouldn’t stick around for.
- We Are Connected– This is the lesson that surprised me the most! Empathy overload. When I look another mother in the eyes, we don’t have to say a thing when it comes to our kids, we just know. We know each other’s hopes and fears as they relate to the babies, we understand the love. This understanding makes me feel really connected to the world and others, even strangers. There’s a sense of unity and rawness with the world I didn’t expect to feel.
- Forgiveness– This one is last because it’s not easy, not fun, not a given. There have been so many times that Matteo has forgiven me for losing my patience or not getting it right. Numerous times that I’m not doing what’s best because I have never done it and don’t know what I’m doing. Other times, he’s testing me and not listening and being a toddler (gasp!). In all these instances, he forgives me and I forgive him. We get over it because we’re doing the best that we can in this imperfect world, plus we have to get back to FUN. STAT.
Did you have any unexpected love lessons either with kids or pets (mine began with a pup!)? Would love to hear! Happy Month of Love! – Z