Fearlessness vs. Courage
My biggest regret from my performing years as a ballerina is that I never fell on stage during a performance. I may have had little fumbles or fall off pointe in a turn but never a hard, stage shaking fall. To me this translates into the fact that that I didn’t have enough courage to take risks on stage, I was not “FEARLESS”. I should’ve been falling at least once a season if I had danced the way I wanted to. But I couldn’t, because I was afraid.
Some of my best performances were actually in rehearsal, where I felt that nothing was at stake. No audience to please. That fear would reduce my dancing to “cautious dancing” when the show finally came around. I think I was so young and eager to please that it played a factor in holding me back. What I didn’t understand was that FEARLESSNESS is a myth. We love to say it, hashtag it, wear it on shirts but being fearless is not attainable. What is? Courage.
Fear in all parts of life
Everything I do I enter with butterflies in my belly and knowing I don’t know much. The things that I’m most in love with in my life are: being a mom, blogger, wife, business owner, dancer. All those things I do/did with hefty amounts of fear. I am not fearless, I just learn how to cope with it. Here are some of the things that have helped me:
Naivety
Being naive helps look fear in the face on it’s way out vs on it’s way in the door. Once I do look back at things I’ve tried and began, I always realize that I was really naive. Not unprepared, just innocent. I think that is a great quality to have and you should use to your advantage. If I did know everything I know now about being a ballerina, going to business school, opening MaZi Dance Fitness with my sister, becoming a mom and creating this blog….guess what? I am not sure I would do it! I would get caught up in the minutia and enormity of what I was about to attempt and would probably not do it. It’s a good thing to have that clear “innocence” mentality, learn along the way, and within each step look fear in the face.
Here Fear, have seat.
Invite fear in. Do you want to have a new career or promotion, be a new mom, open a business, or leave a relationship? When I went to NYFW the 2nd time, I was more scared then the first time I went. Why? Because I knew what I was going into. There were expectations, I knew where I had fallen short before, how it was going to go down and what my goals were this time.
Nevertheless, I sat there with fear and even did my make-up and got dressed with it. And the more I sat with it, the more I got used to it’s presence and I was able to allow myself to have fun, engage, enjoy, and frankly shine at an event that I’ve wanted to go to my entire life. When you reach out for that thing that you really want, fear will be there. So reach out to it also and invite it to sit next to you, watch and take notes.
Courage for Truth- Ask
There’s been a few times in my life where I’m so afraid of knowing the answer that I put off asking the question. The problem is that life is short. When I was in college I dated an amazing boy throughout, he was kind, beautiful, and brilliant. I thought he was going to ask me to marry him once we graduated but he did not, instead he wanted to continue dating so I went to grad school. Once I was there, I realized I had outgrown not him, but “us” and once he did ask me to marry him it was too late.
When I met my husband I told him that if he thought he might want to marry me, he should plan for it. I was not going to be his eternal girlfriend. I didn’t want to be on the 5,6,7 year dating plan again. Therefore, I told him I didn’t have a timeline, but that I did want to be married and if he didn’t see that with me to let me go. I was afraid that I had been too direct, but 5 months later we were engaged. I learned to have the courage to ask for what you want. Find the truth of the situation and it will give you courage. If they can’t give it to you, find someone that will. There’s billions of people in the world.
Practice makes Courage
This is probably the most boring point but it would be a disservice not to mention it. Practice helps you get the kinks out, which gives you experience, which gives you… courage. Every single time that I teach a class at MaZi Dance Fitness, whether it’s 2 people or 32 people, I’m extremely nervous. I’m sweating, I have to nervous pee, but then I start the class and take off like a rocket! I know that it happens after all this time because 1. know the energy it takes to teach my class, 2. want to do a great job giving people a workout, 3. I’m still freaking scared! But what gets me by? Practice! The repetition and confidence of practicing my routines cannot be faked! I have to put the work in if I want to have the courage to teach class.
You Gotta Have Faith
I’m talking a really big game and making it seem like I’m a bull fighter but the reality is that God is my amour. Out of all these things in my life that I have mentioned, you know what’s absolutely terrifying? Motherhood. Literally, things you didn’t even know you were scared of come to breathe down your neck. Having faith, asking God for help has been my anchor. When my baby boy was 5 weeks old, he got meningitis. For a couple of days, I could not breathe, I could not see, think, eat. All I could do was pray. On my knees in a hospital.
It turned out ok, he had viral vs bacterial meningitis, one that he could recover from and he came home unaffected. However, when you have one of these experiences with your kids, you are not you anymore. It changes you. It makes everything seem so trite and dumb. You think, I used to be scared of what again?! I know many of you are not mothers, but we all have these moments that teach us that we can be so much braver than we thought. “I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me” (Philippians 4:13) is one of my favorite quotes because it takes all the pressure off me. LOL! Whoever it is you pray to, pray. Meditate, believe in something, and you will see that you are much more willing to look fear in the face.
With lots of love. Wishing you all the courage in the world. If you are interested more confidence tips to help you become your best “fearless” self click here! XO, Z
Dress: Vici Collection Shoes: Jessica Simpson Bag: Balmain
